When I see titles like this ( a relapse) I immediately fear for the blogger that they have fallen foul of the wine witch. Rest assured I am alive and sober…..
But last night I had cake.
And it was just like my early days sans wine. I knew it would happen at some point. I felt miserable and deprived the day before and my sugar free creations were just not hitting the spot. So I gave in and had the cake. That first sugar hit was delicious and I realised how poor my sweeteners were at imitating the real thing. I ate and enjoyed a whole piece of carrot cake. And then another piece.
But I still wanted more.
Because two pieces (or glasses) is not enough.
And this morning I felt bad ( very hungry, and craving toast as opposed to porridge or eggs)
And it was hard to climb back up into the saddle…..(after porridge I was still hungry and had a mid morning chocolate bar a la hair of the dog me thinks.)
Which compounded my negativity
And allowed the day to spiral out of control.
24 hours on and the affects of eating that first piece of cake are still dominating my every moment and every thought.
A relapse of the diet variety is SO similar to that which I felt when I was continually trying to give up wine, albeit with the stakes somewhat lower. I continue to make the same behavioural mistakes, never learning from the awful symptoms, both physical and emotional. The next day, I feel down. I have failed. I have to start over. I feel as if I will never succeed. But if I accept that, I will never succeed.
So, a better way to manage this relapse is to accept I cannot change what has already happened, but I can change my thoughts about it, and therefore my future actions. I can change what will happen for the rest of today. I can choose how I want to react: I can moan and mumble about the unfairness of it all, leaving the flood gate open for more cake and all his little friends to come on in and ruin my life even more.
Or, I can choose to STOP. Stop eating cake, stop eating carelessly, stop the rot. And go back to my plan. I can spend the rest of the day eating well and not punishing myself with further restrictions in an attempt to compensate. I can remember my goal of long term health and well-being and keep my eye on that prize. I can choose not to give up what I want most of all, for what I want right now. I can distract myself and wait for my cravings to pass. I've done this before so I know they will pass and I will feel strong once more.
Yes, from now I will choose not to eat anymore cake and return to my healthy plan. I know I may relapse again (and again) but I know how I will nip it in the bud and get over it, without over-reacting and compounding its effects by further sabotaging my true craving for success.
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