I've just passed my 4 year soberversary and feel I'm back at the very beginning. I've not relapsed with drink I'm pleased to say but the events of my life this year so far have intensified my binge eating to a point that I can longer ignore it as a problem. Nor do I want to. I am now definitely fat and bloated.
I've been controlled by food all my life and now I'm really going to sort it out. While I've been reading around the subject, I recognised lots of familiar themes and felt reassured by their familiarity. I'm talking about choosing what to eat (drink) or not, knowing I can satisfy my craving any time I choose to, delaying and deciding that if I still really want it tomorrow then I can have it then, just not now, at this moment (when it is really tough). I recalled always being able to justify it, always allowing myself to have it now and stop later on, always planning 'new starts' and always failing. Always making the same mistakes.
At first I felt scared of not collapsing into an evening of biscuits, having to sit with that yearning, that want, acknowledging the discomfort but then I read that by doing this, the urge fades. Suddenly I felt optimistic because I already know that.
From my experience giving up booze I know the cravings go and new habits form and life goes on in a much better way, a way which you just cannot imagine at the start. I remember feeling as though I was taking a big leap of faith giving up booze and believing all that others ahead of me said. What if they were wrong? What if I was different? What if it didn't happen to me?
I couldn't comprehend not wanting to drink wine then and I feel exactly the same now with the chocolates and stodge EXCEPT I believe the want will fade as long as I can hang on tight through these early days. That's where you guys come in!
I did it once before when I stopped smoking (16 years ago) although could not have articulated it this way back then, I did it again 4 years ago when I gave up booze and I know I'll be able to do it a third time and give up junk. And yes, I do believe in the theory of serial and substitute addictions. I know I have it, because smoking and cakes were never a problem when I was drinking, and while drink is no longer a problem, cake has become so.
I'm not talking about serious starvation here. I'm talking about eating my 3 pretty healthy meals a day as usual and then stopping. No afters, no snacky bites, no ice cream cos its sunny or chocolate because its raining. No cake cos someones leaving work/having a birthday/ raising money for charity. In isolation these things are fine- but just like the booze- once started I cannot stop.
So I'll bore you all here with my tales of cake and biscuit resistance- if you don't mind of course?