Learning Learning All the Time

With Easter and the long weekend just passed I'm pleased to return to my routine and pick up on my better habits again. It's almost a relief to have decided that today is not a day for grazing and nibbling around the house taking bits of chocolate egg shells, snaffling the odd mini egg (every 5 minutes) and being unable to resist the smell of toasted hot cross buns. Seems I can get too much of a good thing.

This should come as no surprise as it is EXACTLY what I did with wine. And I did it so many times that I recognise the cycle clearly.

1. Decide that you have been good of late and deserve a treat.

2. Be mindful of what happened the last time and recall the horror of your feelings and emotions. Re-assert that you do not want to over-indulge again.

3. Re-state the rules: THIS TIME you will only have one. THIS TIME the one will not represent the start of the slippery slope and THIS TIME you will not compound your error by having a f*** it moment, throwing the baby out with the bath water because THIS TIME you know this is black and white thinking.

4. Tell yourself you are an adult and you can control something as simple as having and enjoying one cake/bun/biscuit without making yourself mentally and physically ill.

5. Have the first one.

6. Have another.

7. Briefly pause before the 3rd to find a 'yes but just now it's different' excuse, reassert you will do it right the next time. Have the 3rd, 4th and 5th.

8. Continue to over indulge in the substance of the moment until an end is reached. Sometimes I think with food it takes longer to reach that point. With alcohol I was limited by so many things: ultimately passing out or puking up. The side effects limited my ability to continue. This is not the way with food. Now the end is reached when I literally cannot move, my stretched swollen stomach aches and I am wailing at myself WHY OH WHY have I done this again?

9. Lie still and depressed in food 'coma', vowing NEVER to do the same again. Thinking back to that FIRST ONE, recognising it was the unravelling of your intentions.

10. 24 - 48 hours later the bloat and despair becomes less intense and desire returns to the front of your mind. Again it has to be managed and restrained until you decide that one REALLY won't hurt, not if you only have one.

11. Repeats steps 1-10 again and again and again

My positive change today has been to avoid unhealthy carbs and focus on feeling full with good quality foods thus:
Poached egg and toast for breakfast
Roast beef and avocado flatbread for lunch (weird combo I know but needing using up)
Tuna salad for dinner (followed by 2 small biscuits)
then spiriting myself away upstairs to blog. So far so good. Day 1 done dare I say?