I'm having a lazy day and decided to make some headway into a list of boozing related films I have on my To Watch list.
I've watched Sandra Bullock in 28 days (slightly humorous view on the serious subject of rock bottoms and rehab) and Meg Ryan portraying an alcoholic mother and wife in "When a Man Loves a Woman".
Its difficult to remember it IS fiction and I've been crying my eyes out at the husband /wife emotions and the daughters/mother relationship. The potential for a serious amount of harm to be brought upon two innocent children horrified me. I know they are actors but it makes me rewind to my drinking times of shouting, snapping, screaming at the kids to do their homework, not being interested in what they have to say and makes me contemplate. None of us can turn the clock back, but we can be reassured we did the right thing by calling a halt to 'it' when we did and sticking with this sober path in life. Late is definitely better than never.
The effect on 'significant others' is addressed too: the husband goes to Al-anon. I have never told my husband of the true struggle it was for me to give up wine. I never voiced my feeling that I HAD to give up as I couldn't control the amount I drank, always ending up drunk regardless of my intentions. He still occasionally asks me if I want to 'treat myself' to one drink, naive to the irony of one drink. I always say no and he accepts this as part of my all or nothing attitude and character that he knows from other areas in my life. I only told him the other day I had written a book. He asked what it was about (hopeful that it was the latest fiction blockbuster or the next instalment of erotica to hit the headlines) and was surprised when I told him it was about me giving up alcohol. Surprised in a kind of- what's the big deal about that? kind of way.
Feeling all weird now: sad, teary and contemplative but happy, glad and reassured too!
I think sometimes we are too hard on our selves about things that happened in the past. Most people will snap at their children from time to time and probably regret it even if they are not drinkers. Take the fact that your husband has the "what's the big deal" thing as a big compliment as you must be doing well at stopping. For many it is a real drama, and can be as bad for their partner as when they are drinking. It sounds like life is really working out for you, and that is a great thing.
ReplyDeleteThanks LL, it always helps hearing someone else's perspective.
DeleteToo many thoughts sometimes!