Depression and Alcohol

Few would disagree that depression and alcohol are inexorably linked.

Depression leads us to use alcohol as an escape. Alcohol is a depressant drug and compounds our depression. We feel more depressed and self medicate with more alcohol and justify this by repeating  that life is just shit. And so on; the vicious cycle of negativity is reinforced and self-perpetuating. 

This may not have been your theme but it certainly was mine. For many years. During that time I did not want to face up to the reality of my problems: I didn't want to have depression and I most certainly did not want to be an alcoholic. I knew I was using wine as a form of self medication, to blot out the here and now for a few hours. As this means of coping continued, both problems escalated, and the drinking required to offset the misery in my life became so great as to become unmanageable and I had to stop; you know the rest of that story. 

As well as stopping drinking it's important to address the reasons for drinking in the first place because these will be unchanged and will require some form of management in the absence of your usual crutch.

Why did I drink? Why did I need to escape from a life which on paper looked pretty good? I often wondered and could not for the life of me fathom what could be wrong.
Having a good life does not prevent depression and that is one of the reasons it is hard for others to understand. There doesn't need to be a reason you get depression in the same way that others develop high blood pressure or underachieve thyroids. My depression manifests itself as very low mood, being unable to be bothered to do anything and, most notably, physical exhaustion and excessive sleeping. To the uninitiated, I can pass as being merely lazy. The thing is, until I admitted my diagnosis and sought effective treatment, I thought I was just lazy too. It wasn't until a couple of years later when I was better that I looked back and realised just how depressed I had been.

Why mention this now? Two reasons. First it seems a bit misleading not to acknowledge that the turnaround in my life has been helped by having treatment for depression, (although giving up booze was integral to that). Second, my OH suggested during my recent depressive relapse that I shouldn't keep it secret anymore.

I didn't actively decide to keep it a secret. I just chose not to tell anyone. I didn't want the stigma nor the labels. OH wondered if it might help me to share these struggles with friends, some family, and a few colleagues to which I added the blogosphere. So that's what I'm doing. Talking about the thread of depression that runs through my life, that which cannot be cured but must be continually managed. Expect to hear a lot more about this in the coming weeks. And if this affects you too, I'd love your support. x