The summer is over for me and daily life is settling back into its normal routine. My reflection on my holiday highlighted how well and truly alcohol is out of my life now. After a couple of wistful glances at others drinking by the pool, which I attributed to a return of hard-wired coping mechanism upon meeting another 'first', I really enjoyed the rest of the time away, without giving alcohol any consideration at all.
So after almost 18 months alcohol free, we had no discussions about whether or not to have wine with dinner or if we were having a night off. None about whether we would share wine or if OH wanted beer. There was no realisation of it being Friday or Saturday therefore permitting an increased amount to be drunk. There was no clock watching or deciding how early in the afternoon I could start drinking. Previously I would have had a pint of lager while the rest of them had an ice cream about 3pm. I always felt guilty, having tried, and failed to have OH join me in such a deliciously naughty endeavour! This year I sampled each variety of Magnum now available!
Which perhaps is why I have returned to Weight Watchers meetings this week. Previously I went to boost my motivation each week; limited my food intake to save the calories for wine, while maintaining a reasonable size. When I stopped drinking I loosened the reigns on my diet- I felt I had to in order to prevent myself feeling totally deprived of everything I enjoyed. But as you know, that leniency went on too long and this year has seen 'weight creep' to a degree that none of my clothes are comfortable now and I am resorting more and more to stretchy sporty looking clothes (but without doing any exercise!). Stretchy waistbands are too forgiving and I took it as a warning sign. I need to improve my ways. I have lapsed into what I call 'careless eating', where I think
'yeh, why not',
'yeh, I deserve it',
'yeh, just a bit then',
I have not yet managed to track a whole days food intake due to it going off the rails somewhere after lunchtime.
So I went back along to my meeting. The leader is always very motivational and I stayed behind at the end to hear the new start chat, by way of revision. I am all set now, to return my main focus to that of my diet, confident that my sobriety can look after itself for a little while at least. I have drawn the line in the sand. Random biscuits are out, strawberries and blueberries are in.
Wish me luck!