Sunday, 28 September 2014

Then and Now: Saturday Night Texts

I would send texts during the evening to those who were not out with me along the lines of ‘remind me to tell you what x just said!’ and if I was at home I would be texting everyone to follow up on previous discussions or to make plans, suggest ideas, all of which I felt had to be done THIS MINUTE, because it seemed like such a good idea, right?
If I’d been out, once home I would text everyone about what a great night we’d had, how we must catch up again and generally confess too much love for ones I do not love.
I would immediately confirm the dinner date I’d hastily arranged earlier in the evening with one of my new ‘best friends in the whole world who I really love’ and had hugged to prove it. As we were chatting I would always say ‘You should come round for dinner one night soon, so we get catch up again and the boys can meet’ Because we are so sure they will get on well together (!). This was perhaps always, even subconsciously, a date to allow more drinking, me having found a like minded, equally paced drinker.
The next day I’d scroll through the lists of texts. Noting the worst ones had not received a reply. Groaning as the potential fiasco added to my hangover made everything seem worse. Why did I say that? Did I really say that? What did I do that for? Were they as drunk as me?
Then I have to decide how to carefully word my morning after texts to sound casual and being of a general ‘Hi again’ nature, but really to provide an opening for the other to comment on the state I was in the night before, without having to ask directly. (This would incriminate me you see.)
If they don’t, then I worry it was either too embarrassing for them to mention or they were  also so drunk they did not notice my behaviour. I hope it’s the latter but I have a nagging feeling it’s the former.
All in all it serves to compound my hangover and darken my day further on a day that I have limited ability to function even at the most basic level. I do not need this.
Last night , Saturday, I had a text conversation with a friend to arrange a walk this afternoon. This morning I can remember all the details of the arrangements.(I hope she can too!)
I replied to a few emails which had been lingering in my inbox for a few days. Ones that needed a little time and concentration. I have no need to worry that I’ve made a mistake, emailed the wrong person, forgotten the attachments (although I do that sober too), or copied in people who I absolutely should not have copied in.
I read and commented on a few blogs. I took in what I was reading and made some useful (IMHO!) contribution to discussions in the comments section. Pertinent comments, appropriate comments, generally free from typos and comments which had travelled the right way through the BS filter between having the thoughts and typing them out on the keyboard.
This morning I am pleased I can stand by any comments I made as being what I really meant and not a passing glib thought whilst drunk. I am pleased I have no damage control to consider, or to worry about. I am reassured I have not offended anyone, been inappropriate to anyone or loose tongued and gossipy at the expense of anyone.
I feel calm and relaxed. The day ahead seems simple and uncomplicated. It just ‘is’, with no undercurrents of what ifs and what might be’s.
Why did I ever drink so much? I can’t explain that but I do know that I can’t do anything to change the past but I have definitely made a positive change for the future.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend. Rx

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