Monday, 1 December 2014

My First Love

For those of you who missed this article on Soberistas, here it is again. Enjoy!

My First Love

‘Come on,’ you called ‘let’s spend the evening together. We’ll have fun!’.

I was torn. Undecided. I had planned a trip to the cinema with a friend yet despite having you all to myself the last three nights, I was tempted. We were seeing more of each other and I knew things were becoming serious. It was hard to resist such an attractive proposition.

I always enjoyed being with you and you’re right; it is fun. You make me feel special, beautiful and tell me I am charming and clever. I enjoy being a little wild and carefree with you. We are extravagant; money is no obstacle. You make me forget all my troubles and am freed from mundane responsibilities of daily life. My other commitments lose their importance in comparison to spending more time with you.

We have spent several nights together. Talking and staying up into the small hours of the morning. Why do you never stay the full night?  When I wake up at 3am, anxious or scared, you are never there. Sometimes I am glad about this because my sparkle has subsided and I am tired, restless and can feel a headache developing. I am no longer the same attractive, flirty person of the night before.

There are times when I need you though. Bad times when I am sick or shaky or feeling anxious and depressed. But still you are never there to rescue me. You don’t want to know about the downs and it seems you do not care about my health or wealth. Deep down I know you are a fickle, fair-weather friend.

In the morning I vow not to see you again. I will ignore your calls and will not allow myself to be led astray. You are not good for me; my nan would have called you a ‘bad ‘un’ and I agree. We’re finished.

By lunchtime I wonder if I’ve over-reacted and been too hard on you. We each have our faults and you are no different. Besides, I love you. I want you.

In the middle of the afternoon I decide I will answer when you call. And you will call, as you do each day around five o’clock. Sometimes earlier, occasionally later but you can always be relied upon to come back.

I will agree to see you again tonight despite my better judgement: I know you are no good but I am drawn to you regardless. I cannot say ‘No’.

I pick up the ‘phone and call my friend. I plead off the cinema trip claiming a headache. It’s not really a lie: I did have a headache today although it is almost gone now. I can hear the disappointment in her voice and feel bad that she had arranged a baby-sitter specially. But not for long. I do not dwell on my guilt. Instead I reach up for my favourite heavy crystal glass. Next, I go to the fridge and open the door. There you are, reliable as ever, waiting for me to take you out so we can spend time together. 

I unscrew your top and listen to the satisfying glug as you fill my glass with amber nectar. I sit back and relax and wait for you to bring the feel good factor to me once again.


  1. how clever and wonderful. thankyou
    hugs from nz

  2. Two weeks sober. This article really spoke to me. It's a hell of a time of year to quit!


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