Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Approaching 3 year anniversary

I'm still here. Thank you for all your lovely comments and emails- I've not replied to every one of them yet but I will get there! I've also deleted all the spammers who have been 'commenting' on posts.

At the end of the month I'm 3 years sober and finding it still a mixed bag: albeit 99% good, there is still, still, a feeling of loss at times. It is brought into focus by certain things and last weekend it was watching the documentary about the life and demise of Amy Winehouse, UK jazz singer, through alcohol and drugs. She died in 2011 from an acute overdose of alcohol.

In 2008, when clean sober and dry, she won a Grammy for best single with Rehab and her reaction was remarkable

However, after the cameras moved onto the next item, her documentary cameras continued to roll as she beckoned to her best friend to join her on stage, before both quickly disappeared back stage.

What did she say to her best friend at this defining moment in her life?

'This is all so shit without drugs'

I can relate to this. Periodically I feel the ennui of a stable boring life and long, usually just for a moment, to get absolutely drunk, talk rubbish, feel excited, dance, go wild and wonder where the evening will take me. Even the thought of the hangover the next day is not sufficient to dampen the want completely.

So, doing well, but not cured, not by any means.


  1. 3 years is awesome! Congratulations Rachel. I am on day 108 today. A x

  2. Rachel, I am glad you are back! I was missing your posts.
    My sponsor is 6 years sober and still has these feelings once a while.

  3. well done on 3 years, you have achieved so much with your books which are brill. Sober isn't always the easy way but overall i think it is a better way to live if you drink irresponsibly and careless (like me!!)

  4. Happy 3 years missus :) Yep I feel the same every now and then too xx

  5. That is awesome. 3 years.

    I don't feel that way. Maybe I was just so desperately low before I can't remember the times when drinking added to my fun.

  6. I just read your book and want to say thank you so much. I am about to embark on a year alcohol free (with a view to forever) and it is a real help to have your wisdom at hand. Your then and now account put it all into stark perspective and I am looking forward to experiencing all the positive changes for myself. Thanks again - and keep up the great work. Happy three years, and here's to many more.:)
    - Nicky

  7. Thanks for that post. I just saw that film recently, it was brilliant. And yes, that scene struck me too. I could totally empathise with what she said. I feel the same too, sometimes just want to get dressed up, drink cocktails and dance with the girls. And that's ok.Congrats on your nearly 3 years. What an achievement. xx

  8. This is dangerous thinking. Amy Winehouse DIED from alcohol poisoning. Surely it's better to be stable, boring and ALIVE!

  9. This is dangerous thinking. Amy Winehouse DIED from alcohol poisoning. Surely it's better to be stable, boring and ALIVE!

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  12. Great courage and honesty to share this! Not cured, still moments of confusion, but always growing. Just celebrated 6 years myself, and definitely still have my moments! Don't know you, but proud of you nonetheless!!!!

  13. I relate to those feelings. 252 days sober. But you know, your books have helped me so much. I don't think I'd be here now if I hadn't read SITNB and I re-read them all at times. They help remind me of the shit I may have forgotten and that the mirage of moderation is just that. So thank you thank you xxxx

    1. that is so well put Mrs Pearce 'the mirage of moderation'. love it.
      so glad to hear you find the books helpful. I re-read them to and always remember something else id forgotten all about. rx


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